


Bilbo's Wish

by LemonSquashParty



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BDSM, Love, M/M, Magic, Silly, Tall, Weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7118029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonSquashParty/pseuds/LemonSquashParty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo expresses a wish to Thorin... but what happens when that wish comes true?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bilbo's Wish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snowmissus (soul_of_blaze)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_of_blaze/gifts).



> I was very stoned when I wrote this

In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, but a clean, spacious affair, where the owner, Bilbo Baggins, could get nasty, dirty, and wet with his lover, the voluptuous and peniley substantial Thorin Oakenshield of the Oakenshield clan. Bilbo, a perky and unctuous bottom, although of a cheerful and banal disposition, loved nothing more after a hard day’s work than a foaming pint of ale, a healthy smack on the bum and a good penetration up the lavender passageway, a pastime that Thorin was more than happy to participate in.  
One day, Bilbo was lying on his back and taking Thorin’s generous thrusts up the aforementioned back entrance. “Thorin,” he asked, “May I ask you a question, if that’s quite alright?”  
“Of course” said Thorin, “Could you hand me a biscuit? I didn’t eat much second dinner”.  
“THorin”, Bilbo had concern in his voice, “Do you ever think I’m… too short?”  
Thorin stopped thrusting, his mouth half full of biscuit, “To… short?”  
“Yes.” Bilbo looked down sadly on his substantial but stocky torso, “All of my friends have the common quality of being quite tall. Gandalf is tall, Boromir is tall, Tauriel is tall, Fili and Kili, Balin, Thwalin, and you are quite tall. That one elf that owns the sex shop down the road… what’s his name?’  
“Legolas?” Thorin suggested, letting crumbs fall onto Bilbo’s portly belly.  
“Legolas, yes! Even amongst the hobbits I’m quite short. Whenever we go out drinking or to the bathouse, I’m always left behind in the dust. Whenever we go to the pub, I always have to be served under the table, because I can’t climb up on the seats. When we have picnics on the Shire Green, you always have to fend off passing hawks who mistake me for a possum or a squirrel. When we went down to the sex shop, they didn’t even have harnesses that would fit me, so I had to pay extra for Legolas to fit a specific one! When I give you blowjobs in the evenings, I don’t even have to kneel down! What a curse it is to be so little!”  
“This is true” said Thorin thoughtfully, “But you forget, amongst the magical creatures of middle earth, the dwarves are also quite small.”  
“Yes” said Bilbo, “But you are strong, respectable, well-endowed. No one wants to be a miserable old hobbit with hairy feet and who can’t reach a barstool. But enough of this. I must take my mind off these insecurities. Do you have the riding crop?”  
“I always do!”  
“Turn me over and smack away!  
***  
That night, as Bilbo and Thorin slept, Bilbo felt a mysterious rumbling within him, and not the kind that Thorin gave him after sex. He awoke in a cold sweat, and noticed a figure before him. He was tall, majestic, with a white, glittering robe and sported a grand, sparkly beard. “Bilbo!” He said, “I have come to grant your wish!”  
Bilbo immediately recognized him, “Gandalf!” He exclaimed, “Whatever are you doing here, at this time of night!”  
“I have come to grant your wish” said Gandalf, “I have heard your grievances from across middle earth while at my mid-sized apartment just outside of Lothlorien, and I flew here on my magical eagles to come and make you tall!”  
“But you aren’t a fairy godmother? Why are you even doing this”  
“DOOOOOOOOON”T ASK QUESTIONS TO ME DILDO” roared Gandalf, “I am within the fanfiction of some stoned person who has never read our book so I can do whatever the fuck I want so go back to bed or I’ll bet your ass like a boiling haddock. GANDALF OUT, BITCH”  
A great puff of smoke caused Gandalf to disappear, and the next morning, Bilbo found himself to be extremely tall.  
***  
“Extremley tall” was an understatement. Bilbo, when he awoke, had grown a full seven hundred feet tall, and was three hundred feet wide. He was very confused when he awoke with his head couched in a lake on the other side of town, and whe he arose he found several houses crushed beneath his now enormous back. Thorin, dwarfed by his lover’s new height, scurried to and fro on Bilbo’s chest, wondering how this could have happened, and if he was hallucinating or not.  
“It’s true!” Bilbo exclaimed, “I am tall!” IN his excitement, he arose to greet the sun, knocking Thorin flat on his face on the ground beneath him as Bilbo stretched his arms towards the sky. “I AM TALL! HUZZAH!”  
What Bilbo did not know is that he still was naked from his amorous encounters from the night before, and had astonished the crowd not only with the new appearance of their new friend, but with the sheer hugeness of his dangling penis which waved back and forth like the chiming of a great, horrific grandfather clock.  
The inhabitants of the shire screamed and ran in fear, while Thorin tried in vain to assuage their concerns, “It’s not what you think!” He ran after them in vain to try and persuade them to calm down, but to no avail. Bilbo looked on this curiously, why is THorin running from me, he thought?  
Bilbo’s joy was quickly curtailed by the sight of the shire inhabitants fleeing from his sight. He was no longer a pillar of the community, but a monster to be chased with torches and pitchforks. Who would he invite over for second breakfast? Someone as tall as he was? Smaug? The Orcs? This simply wouldn’t do at all.  
“Oh, woe is me!” Cried Bilbo, his voice shaking the shire like an earthquake, “What a predicament I am in! I have gotten what I wish for, and I deeply regret it! Everyone has fled for the hills, and I have crushed many people’s homes and gardens. I have even crushed Legolas’ sex shop! How shall I atone for this offense? Even Thorin has run from me. The only person I could count on to love me no matter what my appearance has gone with them! I used to be insecure about my body, but now I just wish I was dead! “  
In his depths of despair Bilbo began to weep, his tears soaking the ground before him, and his wails shaking the hills far and wide. What he did not notice, however, was the slight tugging at his clothes that kept going higher and higher. He heard a voice upon his shoulder, “Take heart, my dear. Everyone falls on hard times every once in a while.”  
Bilbo glanced over through his teary eyes to see that Thorin had scaled 900 feet up his body to console him. “Thorin! You’ve come back!”  
“I was trying to get the mob to calm down, but they wouldn’t listen.” Said Thorin, “Probably because you’re so huge.”  
“Yes… but what shall I do?” asked Bilbo.  
“Don’t despair, my love.” Said THorin, “What you said was not true at all. I will always love you, whether you’re three or 900 feet tall. It doesn’t matter if you are too short for the barstool, because you’re always just short enough for something else.”  
“Like blowjobs?”  
“Yes, like blowjobs!” Thorin laughed heartily, “No matter what you size, I will love you just the same. You will always be my Bilbo”  
Thorin kissed Bilbo’s giant cheek with his dwarfed lips. Bilbo felt the rumbling within himself again, and felt himself shrinking down to his normal size again. Gandalf’s spell had been broken.  
An eagle’s cry was heard above them. Gandalf appeared. “Ho, ho, ho, my giant burglar! Not so giant now, are we?”  
“ I’ve learned my lesson, Gandalf” said Bilbo, “I am content with who I am. Now, if you please, could you help us clean some of this up so I can begin to undo the damage I’ve caused?”  
“Nah, fuck that,’ Said Gandalf, putting on some shades and a snapback, “Imma go smoke some dank ass kush and get myself some fine poontang. GANDALF OUT!” and he was gone.  
“Well,” said Bilbo, sitting down on his squashed bed, “The lawsuits will be coming in soon. I hope I can pay the damages for everything. So much was crushed!”  
“Yes,” said Thorin, “But you know what wasn’t?”  
“What’s that?”  
“My bondage equipment!” Thoring opened the closet revealing his array of kinky supplies, “Want to take it up the ass one more time, Bilbo? Before we get started on first breakfast?”  
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world”  
And so Bilbo took THorin’s cock in his ass once again, and was forever happy with the way he was.  
THE END


End file.
